Saturday, August 18, 2012

9天

結束了
我哭不出來
因為真的哭了太多天
原本假裝什麼都沒發生
但還是逃不過
他提了
還是提了
不適合
是真的不適合嗎
我把最終要的兩樣東西給了他
第一次
還有我的心
恬叫我不要陷太深
我知道
我當然知道
可是這哪是我能控制的呢
愛了就愛了
再壞再爛的也還不是愛上了
愛逞強的我
平平靜靜的跟他分手了
我還要當朋友
他卻要逃避
我怎麼遇到的都是懦夫
為了他決定要做的事
我還是要做
我要變白變瘦變漂亮變氣質
不要再講髒話
不要再講話不經過大腦
或許
這樣會比較容易交到男朋友
或許
他會再喜歡上我
男生 說什麼喜歡你的直接 都是假的
女人們 跟你說 這全是假的
他們都喜歡乖乖的 假假的人
沒有男人是喜歡你的真面目
他們要的是完美的女人

現在最可悲的不是我單身了
是我沒有朋友可以傾訴
真的是
在最慘的時候才發現自己朋友是多麼的少
誰叫自己對朋友的定義要求那麼高
真可笑
想出去逛逛
可是這樣大概會自己哭著回來
因為沒有人可以跟我一起嘻嘻哈哈
朋友啊 快回來吧
我需要你們

Thursday, August 16, 2012

I would never learn...

I know I should learn to love the things that loves me, not the things I love.
But I just wouldn't learn!
Why do I keep on falling in love with the ones that doesn't care about me?
I tried, I really did...
I thought he liked me
I thought he is deceant
So I chose him
But now that I am completely I'm love with him
He happens to not like me as much as I think
Or even
As much as he thought.

Why
Why do I always make the same mistakes?
Now that I couldn't and wouldn't end this
I have to suffer everyday
With him totally ignoring me
If I didn't rush
If I didn't wanted a boyfriend
If I didn't wanted so bad for someone to love me
This wouldn't have happened 
I wouldn't have to stay at home
Study EILTS just because he wanted me to
Couldn't do anything I like just because he thinks it's a waste of time 
Wait for him to reply my simple message and couldn't even dare to ask his about
Every single night,
Waiting for him to walk in the door just to see his face
But in return
All I get is a look
That look of regrets and tiredness 
As if it was all my fault
As if I ruined his life

I could walk away and end this
But I couldn't
Physically and mentally couldn't do it
I like him
A lot
More than I should
I gave him a lot 
More than I could
I tried

I kiss him in his sleep
He leaves in the morning without a single look
Leaving me speechless on the bed
I remember everything he says to me
Even the bad ones
But he forgets everything I say
Even the important ones


I'm in love with a man 
That doesn't even care about me.
help...

Friday, August 10, 2012

August 10th

It was the day
the day we admitted our love for each other

kept on telling myself not to rush
but i wasn't rushing
it was just simply because we were both already in love
i guess
at least i am
i am in love
at last
after 3 years of total bash of self confidence and pride
i thought i was not worthy of love anymore
nobody wanted me
although i just told myself that im not beautiful enough
telling myself that the standards here are too high
that guys only wanted tall girls
they only wanted skinny girls
girls with fair skin
girls with pretty eyes
girls with clear skin
girls with silky hair
girls with sweet voice
girls that were GIRLY

i just kept on lying to myself no matter how much i think im beautiful on the inside
i know im beautiful
i love my height
 even if im short, i can wear higher heels and not look like a giraffe
i love my curvy body
 even if some clothes don't fit me
i love my tanned skin
 even if they are different than the others
i love my bright eyes
 even if they are small
i love my skin
 even if they are kinda rough, but i don't get big pimples
i love my long thick hair
 even if they are not silky smooth
i love my deep sexy voice
 even if they sound like a boy sometimes
i love my cool attitude
 of which most girls don't have

i love myself
and i am not afraid to say that
who cares about the beauty standards here
ive been keeping myself in a box just because of these stupid rules!
i am beautiful
i know i am
and now
he knows too

today is our first day
even though it had only been a week
but we know we liked each other since the first day we've met on the bus to Kenting
he fell in love with the way i smooth my hair to one side
and i fall in love with him just because he's so cool and sweet to me

Dear God
ive been waiting  patiently for my other half to arrive
and now he's here
please
please
let us be together as long as we could
please help us get through any trouble me might face
i really like him
i really do
Thank you.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

이철

你昨天晚上很誇張耶, 到底是不是gay啊(笑


那就要看你喜不喜歡我嘍